Good morning ladies, gents, and Goose
Date: 08 September 2012
Time: 13h30
Venue: Bergvliet
Opponents: Conberg, hangovers, and the sun
The inbred…sorry, I meant the thoroughbred 3’s were without
Tosser, Brown, and Blake for this fixture as they were away, high up in the
mountains with a group of other men. It
has not yet been confirmed as to what they were doing there, but some reports
have suggested that the surrounding areas’ shop owners were sold out of
Vaseline and man nappies and the majestic sound of Celine Dion music being
played late at night could be heard echoing throughout the valley. (Tosser –
there definitely was a man in a diaper……but that’s another story. Boy weekend
make beef jerky, shit with the door open, watch porn in public while whacking
off, brant shower….Shane Smith we literally have never done any of those
things)
With three players out this meant that we could draft a few
Masters in to the side for this game, they were Kevin “I’m still the fittest
man in this club” Williams, Darren “I don’t have a surname but neither does
Madonna and that’s how I roll”, Russel “They call me Gus and I don’t know why”
Botes, and last but not least Demon… wait, my bad, he’s old enough to play
Masters but he’s not actually a Master yet.
A big thank you from all the lads for filling in and I think I speak for
everyone when I say I don’t think I have ever seen so many ankle or knee guards
as well as so much deep heat being used before a game.
We all arrived in dribs and drabs, mainly due to the fact
that to find the entrance which leads you to the astro is almost near
impossible and if you don’t know the secret handshake when entering you can
forget. Once we were all together,
Shooter, our stand in captain for the game took us all for a little warm
up. Shooters tactics – and don’t tell
any other club this as I’m sure they haven’t figured it out yet, is whichever
team scores the most goals will win this game - BRILLIANT.
The game started a little slowly, this could be due to the
fact that the astro is a blinding blue so most of us started off having to
strain our eyes, now I know why the Japanese are no good at hockey.
After a few slow minutes and with allowing Conberg to attack
we decided enough was enough and turned our defense to attack and from here the
game started to heat up both figuratively and literally.
We started to dominate and I can safely say this did not
change for the remainder of the game. We
had short corner after short corner, pushes, flicks, slaps from 2m away and
their goalie acting like a keeper possessed managed to deny us over and over
again until finally we scored a goal from open play. Our Master Gus making another great run down
the left hand side of the field passing the ball across the goal which allowed
Spud to tap it in. Mutual 1 (attempts
12) – Conberg 0 (attempts 0)
The rest of the half was great to watch even though we
didn’t manage to slot in another goal.
Defense was solid with Kevin using his experience and letting us know
where we should be, link line was excellent, watching the passing between
Caveman, Shooter, Pete, Winders, and Rusty was a thing of beauty.
Half time came, there was a mad scramble to get in to the
shade, I found Spud sitting in a small cupboard which I can only assume is used
to hide little boys and video cameras.
After in inspirational talk from Shooter… don’t ask me what
he said because I wasn’t listening, we went back out on to the field for our
last half of hockey for the season. The
boys were revved up and it really showed, again there was total domination and
we managed to slot in another goal with Pete flicking the ball over the goal
keeper after he had rushed Pete who had entered the circle with the ball. Mutual 2 (112 attempts) – Conberg 0 (0
attempts)
We then struck again with Demon finding himself not in the O
ring but rather in the D, he shoots – keeper saves, he shoots again he scores…
Mutual 3 (113 attempts) – Conberg 0 (-1 attempts, subtracting one attempt as
they were honestly that rubbish at this stage)
The script was written, we were always going to score again,
and Spud didn’t disappoint. Drawing the
keeper out, spun around him and finishing with a backstick shot. Mutual
4 (lost count on attempts) – Converg 0 (1 attempt… attempt at trying to
crack through our defense but to no avail)
With the final whistle and the end of our amazing season
only a minute away we conceded a free hit within our 25. They took it, dribbled a little and then
smashed the ball in past the left foot of Sherman (honestly who is this c$%t
and who keeps on asking him to play) to allow their striker who was on the
p-spot to deflect the ball past our young goalkeeper who didn’t stand a
chance. Mutual 4 – Conberg 1
Final whistle blew and that was that, another great victory
for us which means we end the season unbeaten.
I will leave it to Tosser for the final comments about the season but I
must just say it has been an absolute pleasure playing for this team. Thanks to all of the supporters who rocked up
at every single game.
Final Score Mutual 4 – 1 Conberg.
I have two hands, so give me two beers.
Yours in consummation,
Sherman
After an amazing season the ‘Thorough-bred 3s’ have pulled
it off. Promotion gained with 3 games to go, league victors with 2 games to go
and not finally at the close of the season, unbeaten! Our stats are as follows:
1 260 minutes of hockey played
17 wins
1 draw – Vd Stel you basterds…..But in fairness that was the
first game….and we had Vis in goals
92 goals for
17 goals against……most of them were probably when Vis played
76 points (only 6 bonus points)
Hopefully we will be able to keep the boys together next
season. A big thanks to the masters for flying the 3s banner proud and giving
Conberg a beating. Glad we thumped them, was a bit of a grudge match since they
didn’t want to change the fixture. Me my friend, her name is Karma….lol. She
was also introduced to Raff in the fixture after us. His side losing to
Conberg, so looks like he will be playing M4 anyway next season.
Season wrap and awards will be coming up in the next few
weeks. Then its time for indoor league!
Yours in awesomeness
Tosser
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