Wow, Team- Bubbles. Light a little fire under her arse and she sends me 5 new recruits and two match reports in one day. Seems like we have a new comedian at Mutual.
I think we should feed her some Schnapps to calm her down and keep her knees warm for winter.
Full name: Tamarah Pike Nickname:
Einstein
Date of birth: 05/03/1998 Previous
club: First club – Currently at Rustenburg
Playing position: Half Current team: Ladies 2s
A fourteen year old Sonic Recruit,
aptly got her name with intellectually challenged questioning on the ladies 2s
group. Diagnosed with chronic foot in mouth disease, Einstein has enabled the
club to apply for a grant from SSN (stopstupidnow.org) to subsidise our coaches
for the pains and labour of having to draw pictures and explain twice.
Einstein’s skills on the hockey field rival and beat that of the more
experienced halves pushing them to links and bench-warming
(#tellTatty&Bubbles), thus making her a great asset to Ladies 2s and an entertainer
of note with questions like “What’s a specialist”. It’s a good thing she’s
receiving her education at Rustenberg and not at EHS, her chances to not take
over from Bastick and 6 pack on Voortrekker when she’s older are a lot higher!
Despite being ripped apart by team members, this tough cookie keeps coming back
for more making tough tackles and being kind enough to pass the ball to
whichever one of her crazy team mates call for it, even if that’s across the
goals with the attackers hanging high. When asked why, her response was
“Sharing is caring” and boom just like that she has been imprinted into mutual
life for quoting a valuable motto that the club drives (#askBondi). Sonic, you
may have lost points on this one, but at least she fits in and can play hockey
well J Welcome
Full name: Stephanie Jade Thomas Nickname:
Panda (unofficial)
Date of birth: 31/05/1991 Previous
club: First one – Springfield Convent escapee
Playing position: Half Current team: Ladies 2s
Enter the other Indian sister. Thanks
to apple who brought the first quota Indian player, this year we have recruited
the cuter baby sister. What we didn’t know is that we’d be getting an SS
marine. Quick explanation you ask? SS Marine’s in Mutual lingo means a Say-it
Straight type from the other side of the Hoek… How she got panda? She randomly
dressed as one by just painting parts of herself white as the other parts of
her are unseen at night (enter creepy psycho music here). Spin offs to her
nickname have been rumoured as Panga due to her
‘I-take-no-kak-and-now-I-have-a-hockey-stick-in-my-hands-biatch’ attitude,
making even Goose scared to approach her (well that and she’s too old for
Goose!) Not unfamiliar with the perving antiques of her older sister, this one
has already accepted marriage from umpires (although I think her neurons
misfired, because I heard “its your ball” instead of “will you marry me
freak”). Thankfully, she doesn’t share the sentiments of her sister in acting
on those perving motions… YET! (I hope she cuts her nails as well) Watch this space boys and girls, this bag of
dynamite is here to dominate… (No seriously watch here closely, soon the word
dynamite will explode, I’m embedded a code into it)…
(tick tick tick) … (What are you
still doing watching, of course I’m lying, GET BACK TO WORK!)
Full name: Krystal Kruger Nickname:
nothing as yet… Keeper K for now
Date of birth: 20/05/1988 Current team: Ladies 2s
Playing position: Goalie
Previous club: Rhodes University
Welcome to the land of SA
for our next recruit who managed to run, skip and jump the borders of our
beloved country with her Swahilian tongue to get her out of trouble if need be.
I once asked her to teach my Swahili and asked her to say I’m pretty, but she
said she wasn’t able to lie in Swahili… (doef, the sound of my jaw hitting the
floor with the burn of intelligence). Like her friend Yes, Keeper K is studying
to be a paramedic to save the lives (and bones) of her team mates as needed in
the land of Ja-Ma-Se-Vygies, which I’m pretty sure she didn’t understand, but
alas, she was padded and keen to save (except for the rocket from Meehan)!
Keeper K seems quiet at first like her counterpart Yes, but this Somerset West
dwelling girl can get cracking on the jabbering when she wants to, problem is
she doesn’t get to with the other jabbering idiots in her side. In times like
those she starts chanting “Asante
sana Squash
banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana”, which simply put means… You bunch of squashed
bananas, I can mock you and make you laugh because you have no idea what I’m
saying”… to which us bunch of idiot squashed bananas laugh too! This gives rise
to Rafiki as a possible nickname #justsaying! Welcome Rafiki J
Full name: Tara Tobin Nickname:
Princess (unofficial)
Date of birth: 24/04/1994 Previous
club: Conberg
Playing position: Link, Wing Current team: Ladies 2s
New recruit number 1 million for
the ladies 2s… wow how bad was their team last year (#tellthem). Princess joins
us from the sock copying riches of Conberg and got her name when she showed up
to Wine- up all pretty and made up. Little did Princess know that evil
committee members would make her dunk her face in spit infested splash pool
waters and jump and crawl around ruining her look. She did hold her glam well
and so was appropriately adopted as Princess. Originally coming from TC, this
firecracker storms her way through defence teams sometimes even without laying
off the ball (#tellher,whoops I think I just did). A great striker, she’s also
good at hiding from her other coaches on days where she decides to attend our
practises and give the other coaches excuses showing thus that she’s keen to
impress at mutual and impressive she is. This girl could take on the Husain’s
of the ladies league which leads me to wonder where her elusive boyfriend is,
or perhaps she slipped away from that one too… *thinking pose*. For those of
you boys wanting to catch a quick glimpse of our very own Miss SA (left out the
U in case Bollie took interest #tellhim), evidence of her presence can be
detected by her side kick Scottie puppy, Paris.
Signing out
Danielle Bolt
