Winter League Game Week #16 - vs Fishhoek (Mens 3s)

Good morning guys

Date: 25 August 2012

Time: 15h00

Venue: Mutual

Opponents: Fishhoek

The thorough bred 3s all packed their passports and made the long trek to the end of the earth known to the southerners as Wynberg. (I think this is where Pirates of the Caribbean’s “At World’s End” was filmed – Except for the movie they had summer weather) Not the case for us though, looked like a scene from Twister.

With the game getting under way we had to shift gears and start the unusual strategy of defending first. There was a lot of back and forth with us conceding a shorty – defending it well. Then being awarded a shorty with Demon getting a good deflection on it but it sailed over the cross bar.

A couple of minutes further into the game we were awarded our second short corner of the game. Tosser deciding to drag flick this time. Contrary to what you all might be thinking…..he actually scored – bottom right. This meant pretty much for the rest of the game, since Tosser got one goal in, he would continue to take all the dragflicks for the rest of the game. (Thankfully this goal now wiped the slate clean and his wounded rabbit he scored against Milnerton has been forgotten by everyone…..DOH) Mutual 1 – 0 Fishhoek.

With the first goal under our belt we took control of the game and continued to hassle the Fishhoek defence. We were all over them, the keeper pulling off some fine saves, or strikers narrowly missing the target but we managed to get another shorty. After the last shorty with Tosser scoring (doubling his goal tally for the season – 2) we realised that there would probably not be another option but to have a straight drag. For once Tosser didn’t disappoint, as Blake put it….’That drag had krag’, placing the ball right next to the keepers head. He keeper making the right choice and moving his head out of the way. Mutual 2 – 0 Fishhoek.

Of course after Tosser scored his second goal of the match the rain came…lots of it. Tosser scoring two goals in a match is probably one of the signs of the apocalypse. It seemed like the setting of ‘The day after Tomorrow’. Horizontal rain, I mean WTF!!! But the thorough bred 3’s pushed on. The ball played in by Winders from the wing. Brown having a slap shot that keeper saved, then got the ball back turned and flicked it past keeper and defender. Composure by Brown extending our lead to Mutual 3 – 0 Fishhoek.

Youngster pulling off a couple of great saves, a few at point blank range, this brought on the end of the half. The Mutual guys all running off the field trying to find shelter under the little aff-dakkie. Most of the guys decided to take their tops off to ring out all the water and then have a group cuddle for body heat. The boys then waiting for the final possible second to run onto the pitch to start the next game, there was also a fight to see who started on the bench.

The second half started quite slowly because of the torrential downpour. So chances were few and far between. Struggling for ball pace on the drenched astro. Somehow managing a break away, Winders smashing a thru ball to Blake running towards the D. Looking up and seeing nothing on he decided to dribble the keeper and slot the ball into the goals. Mutual 4 – 0 Fishhoek.

Fishhoek bounced back with a scrappy breakaway goal. Youngster again getting a 3v1 (I know – we like to test the school boys) nothing he could do about it this time. Mutual 4 – 1 Fishhoek.

That elusive bonus point proving to be a problem for us again. But we kept on pushing, Spud with a bolt of a shot which rebounded off the keeper. Pete picking up the loose ball and pushing it into bottom corner to keepers right who got a stick to it but went in. Mutual 5 – 1 Fishhoek.

Fishhoek coming back at us again, trying to get back into the game. After defending a few shots, we were unable to clear a loose ball and Fishhoek pounced on the end of it. Scrappy, but it still counts. Mutual 5 – 2 Fishhoek.

With a couple of quick passes from the right hand side of the field in the dying minutes of the game, Blake found himself in space in the D and pushed the ball into the bottom right corner. We were all pretty sure, despite Spud’s efforts, that Spud’s stick was in behind the goal line! Mutual 6 – 2 Fishhoek.

Fishhoek seem to step up a gear everytime we get close to the bonus point, it is a good thing they didn’t play like this for the entire match. But almost straight away they came back at us winning a short corner. We really have to work on clearing the keepers pads, Fishhoek again picking up the loose ball and slotting it. Mutual 6 – 3 Fishhoek.

With that last goal from Fishhoek say a minute left on the clock. We decided to give one last full out onslaught on the Fishhoek goals. Winning a short corner as the final whistle sounded. NOOOOO pressure. The astro was so wet that Blake had to basically take a shot at Caveman who was stopping it. With the entire Mutual team on the edge of the D, Tosser saw his moment of glory. With some stickwork (No idea where it came from either) he got past the first two waves and slapped the ball into the bottom right corner. Getting Mutual back to a 4 goal advantage at the end of the game. Again missing that bonus point by one goal. Mutual 7 – 3 Fishhoek.

Final Score Mutual 7 – 3 Fishhoek.

Next fixture:

Thursday 30^th August @ Mutual

Time: @20h30

Opponents:  UCT

No bonus point, but with winning the league secured with 2 games to go, the boys were feeling good. Sopping wet from playing in the typhoon weather but feeling satisfied. With two games left all that is left now is to go the season unbeaten. UCT on Thursday and Conberg on Sat (They still don’t want to move that fixture)

All the guys freezing from the wet weather, but spirits were high. Celebrating by popping some champagne after the game was done.

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser

Winter League Game Week #15 - vs UCT (Mens 2s)

Date: 25 August 2012

Time: 16h30

Venue: Mutual

Opponents: UCT

                                               

Saturday 25 August was a much anticipated day for the Mutual Hockey Club as it was the last game of the 1s season and by god did they end off with a bang! Their opponents were UCT but to be honest their name needn’t be mentioned as the 1s were the heat despite the weather being the complete opposite.

Seeing as the 1s put up a high standard for the 2s to follow, we had to perform, and with last week’s win on our side we had no reason why we could not defeat our local rivals, plus we have already beaten them once this season, why not make it two.

As mentioned before the weather was, well to be true, it was horrendous, however that did not stop the Mutual 2s from putting on a good display of hockey.  The side stayed largely the same from last week with one exception; we had a boost of experience from Bollie who apparently was giving too much lip in the 1s so they decided to promote him to the 2s and this was what we needed as our defence this season has been questionable. With this addition it saw an improvement of only letting one goal through during the match. (it can also be noted that the dodgy 2s captain known as Deny was sent in the opposite directions – This probably helped the fact that UCT only managed to score 1 goal)

As per normal Bob was throwing his overheads from the centre to the forwards and on one particular overhead ‘the Ninja’ was sprinting to the baseline, adamant that he was going to keep the ball in play and sadly, to his misjudgement, the space between the baseline and concrete curb was a lot shorter than he thought, resulting in a minor collision with the concrete and coming of second best.

Like last week despite our dominance we found ourselves 0-1 down however we were not worried as we knew we had what it took to overcome this minor hurdle and we did exactly that with, once again our seasoned grandfather Bastick,  having a tap in at left post from Glenzo’s slap at goals. Although he feels that the ball was going wide and he corrected its flight path we still think he stole the goal, after all he did go to Edgemead, but like last week we were delighted for the ball to cross the white line and equalise, score Mutual 1-1 UCT.

Amongst the hockey that we being played a couple of guys were involved with some not so hockey activities such as our cc Sparky getting a little nip to the “crown jewels” resulting in him on the baseline on his back with feet in the air spitting out words that sounded like “I’m going to vomit” then after he recovered from that he kopped one to the face in the D, apart from that he put in a good effort all round, must have been the fitness that he partially participated in during the week... (Sparky taking a ball to the nuts is also the most action he has gotten in months! So well done on getting to 3^rd base with a hockey ball)

The two people that seem as if they are the ‘quite one’s’ proved us wrong again with Skywalker having these outlandish yet hilarious screams at the umpire often ending in a green or a warning and Carl who once again found his panties in a knot and took it out on our opponents striker, what a lad.

However apart from all the banter that Bastick kops he has been playing well of late, I guess he has commenced his twilight years. In addition to that statement Bastick was involved with the following goal too, however this time he had a little hick up and our ever so cool Glenzo, who joined the team half way through the season, was there to tap it in to put mutual in the outright lead for which it stayed that way till final whistle blew, score Mutual 2-1 UCT.

Heading into this game mutual only needed 1 point to secure a spot in TC next season and after the 70minutes of hockey on Saturday these men held down 3 points. Even though we are now in TC next year our season is not over, we still have 2 more games and we intend to end off on a powerful note setting up a solid foundation for next year.

Bet you didn’t see me write this, cause I’m a ……

Ninja

Winter League Game Week #14 - vs Stellenbosch B (Mens 2s)

Venue: Mutual

Opponents: WPCC B

Date: 18 August 2012

Time: 13h30

When Saturday 18 August rolled around it was a big day not only for those keen supporters of the  Springboks eager to watch their team take on  the Pumas at our very own Newlands stadium for the first match of the newly restructured Four Nations but for those of the Mutual 2s side playing against a tricky WPCC B side.  This game against WPCC B that lay ahead of us was highly crucial as a win would see us have a good chance of not getting relegated which is sadly what we are playing for at this stage of the season. 

As the starting whistle blew Mutual were looking good well structured and playing like we had a plan, which we did as our technical adviser, Bondi (unable to play because his amazing yellow card collection), ran through many phases of play prior to the game. We were moving the ball around the back smoothly and with intension as well as the left and right halves creeping up the sides allowing for the midfielders to squeeze infield creating a zig-zag pattern for the ball to the wingers which saw them either pull their opponents or arch around them and forcing a short corner.  

However despite our dominance WPCC B managed to draw first blood in a well worked short corner,  Mutual 0-1 WPCC B.

After a few encouraging words from our couch/captain Sparky our desire to win this all important match was reinstated and we managed to equalize through our high profile player (Mexican import) in the short corner team, Bob, who was adamant that we could find his name on the score sheet come final whistle and without Curly his chances increased 10 fold, or so we thought till we found out his replacement in the move was our seasoned grandfather, Bastick (yo-yo), who must have had memory loss as to how a zig-zag actually works because when bob passed the ball to him he straight up took the shot which, luckily for Basil, found his name on the score sheet for the 2^nd week in a row, Mutual 1-1 WPCCB.  

Regardless of how the move went we were ecstatic to see it hit the back net and after that we were back and ready to do more damage. After the goal the spirit in the team lifted and the belief was back that we could win this match. Throughout the season we have utilized Bobs over heads from the mid field to the forwards who ,with their electrifying pace, break away from their defenders and this week saw no different when Bob sent an over head from half way to the elusive Ninja who somehow managed to get the ball under control which is something he forgets how to do on occasion and forced the ball onto the opponents foot in the D. Prior to the short corner Sparky advised Bob to go bottom right to which Bob suddenly claimed that he is not able to position the ball in that area of the goals however to our delight Bob made no hash of things and did a smooth drag flick which went bottom right which put Mutual in the lead for the first time in the match, Mutual 2-1 WPCC B.

Shortly after the short corner goal the half time whistle blew which saw us head to the goals with our heads high, Basticks head was up but not high, and we sat in our goals and listened to our technical anal-ysis, Bondi, give us instructions as to what we were doing wrong and what we should do in the upcoming half to pull off a victory. 

The 2^nd half got off to a great start when Panteen/ Kirsie had a moment of brilliance when we all thought he tried one move to many at top D only for him to send a sensational flick middle top of the goals which, to our shock, saw the umpire point to the long corner, the umpires reasoning was the ball finished outside of the goals there it can’t be a goal however on closer inspection through the TMO the evidence disclosed that there was is a hole in the net thus the decision to change it to a goal quickly followed, Mutual 3-1 WPCC B. 

Through a lap in concentration from the team saw the opposition wiggle their way through our defence and come out with a goal, Mutual 3-2 WPCC B.

Carl 12 was having a good match even though he threw his toys out of his cot by shouting to the umpire “How you could not see the ball hit his foot, I mean really” , this put a dampener on Carl’s mood which funnily enough resulted in a deflection goal, Mutual 4-2 WPCC B.  

By this stage we believed to have had the game in the bag and victory was ours however that is often the most critical time for a team not to lose concentration as the opponents can strike as our minds would be elsewhere which is exactly what happened, they managed to score a quick goals seeing the score Mutual 4-3 WPCC B.

Sparky gave the boys one last lot of words of encouragement saying “Dig deep boys, dig deep” which clearly made a difference as shortly after that the whistle blew and victory was in fact ours! These 3 points very vital for our team to be outside of the relegation zone, and hopefully this momentum will carry on to the forth coming weekend when we take on Pinelands and our home turf, Mutual.

Bet you didn’t see me write this, cause I’m a ……

Ninja

Tosser -  Thanks Ninja for stepping to the plate and filling Deny's shoes for the weekend. It is quite a difference to the average match reports that Deny usually sends in.

Winter League Game Week #15 - vs Pinelands (Mens 3s)

Good morning guys

Date: 18 August 2012

Time: 15h00

Venue: Mutual

Opponents: Pinelands

We arrived at the field with one think in mind….Promotion. After two average curtain raisers being the Mens 1s and 2s playing before us we took to the field to show these boys how to win BIG. After winning the toss we decided to give Pinelands the ball.

After a bit of back and forth we got our first shorty of the game. Although it was not converted we learned that the keeper was coming quite far off his line which would help us in the long run. A few minutes later Caveman found himself open in the D. Pete gave him a long pass and taking two touches slotted the first goal with a straight shot along the ground into the goal. Mutual 1 – 0 Pinelands.

Pinelands hit back with a counter attack of their own. 3 vs keeper. Youngster coming out and smothering the pinelands striker, getting up again with his cat-like reflexes, to make another save and then another. The mutual defenders finally deciding he had ‘proven himself’ and coming to help and clear the ball.

Courtesy of a shorty which went to Pete, he pulled it along the ground to Spud who was waiting on P-spot for the deflection. Mutual 2 – 0 Pinelands.

Blake receiving a pass on top D and with a front stick shot buried the ball in the corner. It seems that he has taken his criticism very well after failing to score only one game this season.  Mutual 3 – 0 Pinelands.

The build-up to this goal I actually have no idea how it happened, but Brown ended up with the ball in the D, back stick into the net.Mutual 4 – 0 Pinelands.

Brown was at it again, teaming up with his fellow strike partner Blake with an easy 1 – 2 tap in. Mutual 5 – 0 Pinelands.

And so we went into the break with our bonus point, although not secured, at least we had it at half time and would not be chasing it. A few tactical changes were made, but all in all we just wanted to go out there and score more goals.

Second half started off quite lethargic, forwards were pushing but not hard enough. Pinelands content to sit in their half and play river ball and letting their strikers fight for a consolation goal. Spud finally listening and deciding that continually shooting at the keeper was not working, gave Pete a square pass which he miss hit towards the goals, and then their guy tried to clear and had a freshy and ball trickled into the goals. Mutual 6 – 0 Pinelands.

Another Pinelands 1 vs 4 counter attack. It was like a scene from Braveheart. Youngster with no chance. Mutual 6 – 1 Pinelands.

Winders running the ball in from wide smashes the ball into the circle and what was described as ‘just a backward touch and goal time’ – it was a touch of brilliance from Brown. Extending our lead and that extra goal cushion of the bonus point. Mutual 7 – 1 Pinelands.

Pete then got a square pass just outside the 22 drove at a 45 degree angle beat two players, arc’ed round onto the base line and popped it past the keeper on his near post and ball came back in off the far post into the goals. Mutual 8 – 1 Pinelands.

I am not quite sure how they pulled another goal back, but they did. It was definitely one of those 17 v 3 situations. But it happens when our guys are chasing for a big win and double digits. Mutual 8 – 2 Pinelands.

Brown not content with his hatrick, found a loose ball in some space in the D. We have seen this cheeky ‘show the keeper the ball, take it away, then pop it over him into the net’ – thing before from him. But it was still great to watch. Mutual 9 – 2 Pinelands.

Final Score Mutual 9 – 2 Pinelands.

Next fixture:

Saturday 25^th August @ Mutual

Time: @15h00

Opponents:  Fishhoek

Finally we get our first bonus point in 5 games. Plus promotion, this match was capped off with a quick 2 hour loiter which we managed to include our umpire. 3 games left to hold on to our unbeaten streak with Fishhoek, UCT and Conberg to go. Milnerton have deposited the cash to secure that we win this weekend so their run in to the end of the season is made easier with Fishhoek being 5 points adrift of them..

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser

Winter League Game Week #14 - vs Stellenbosch B (Mens 2s)

Venue: Mutual

Opponents: Maties B

Date: 11 August 2012

Time: 13h30

The 2s gathered on, there is no polite way to put this, a FUCK cold Saturday afternoon for a clash against the Maties 4s. With the sky looking rather black, Vis came over to me and said we should get the game going early because of the ‘weather’, someone clearly spent the night be cuddled by his mother.

So we got the game under way and after a few half hearted attacks from both sides, we eventually got our act together and started to put some quality play together. This eventually paid off when we won a shorty. We called for the banker (aka zig zag) however Curly, just like the last game against Maties B didn’t get the message and decided to go with the zig and put us 1 – 0 up.

Play then opened up with Mutual letting the game slip away a lil. Maties made use of this and hit us on the counter and after a keeping blunder from the hungover/royally hammered Fridge grabbed an equaliser. We went into half time with the score level at 1 – 1.

Both teams game out fired up to score some goals and we showed this intention by winning a shorty. We let Bob have a drag, he hit the right upright. Now the annoying part is that he asked me where he should go, so I said bottom right, perhaps if I said it in Spanish he would have listened and scored, but nope, he went top right. We won another shorty and we were thinking its definitely goal time now, but Maties hit us on the counter and made us pay. They grabbed a 2 – 1 lead.

This is when the heavens opened, no not rain, goals for Maties. The 2s game took a huge dip and Maties seemed to look dangerous on every attack and were scoring with ease. Before we knew it was 5 – 1 to Maties. The scoreline could have been better if we were more luckier with Giggles hitting the post and several chances were put to waste.

Bastick managed to grab a consolation goal for us at the death, but that didn’t matter at all as we were absolutely outclassed by Maties on the day. We clearly have some work to do in order to pick up some results. A tough clash against a much stronger WPCC B lay ahead of us.

www.average.com's Man of the Year

Deny

Song 11 - Province Rangers

Aaaaaah yes, finally brings us to one of my favourite tour songs. A great song for those who have the memory of a fish and their brain can’t hold more than 2 songs. All you have to do in this song is to repeat what the ‘main’ singer is singing.

*Chorus*

We are Rangers

Province Rangers

We are drinking

In the morning

In the evening

Late at night

Two old women lying in the bed

One to the other so she said:

I wanna live me a life of danger

I’m gonna get me a Province Ranger

*Chorus*

Was a man from Bugnor Regis

He had a 10 foot erect penis

Tell you this and it’s the truth

Erect penis through the roof

*Chorus*

Was a girl from Leicester City

She had whiskey on her titty

Tell you this and its no lie

I would suck those titties dry

*Chorus*

Was a girl that was from Bournemouth

She had a cunt that was enormous

Tell you this and it’s no lie

You could fit a bus inside

*Chorus*

Was a girl form Indo-China

She had rice in her vagina

Tell you this and it’s no lie

We cooked up a mean stir-fry

*Chorus*

Four and twenty virgins came from Inverness

When the ball was over there were four and twenty less

Balls to your partner, arse against the wall

If you don’t get laid on Saturday night, you won’t get laid at all

We are Rangers

Province Rangers

We are drinking

In the morning

In the evening

All through the night

How’s your mother - all right

How’s your sister - too tight

When was the last time - last night

When is the next time - tonight

Is everybody happy: YAAAAAAAAA

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser

Songs 10

Well after going for one at the Red Ox, getting home with an empty draught glass and a belly full of cheese burger you can imagine how 'in the mood' I am to do any actual work. So I thought i would dump another 5 songs here for you guys to learn. I think the songs are only going to get more and more crude from here on out.lol

Song 31:

Sing a song of syphilis, a pecker full of scabs.

Four and twenty black heads, twice as many crabs.

Pull back the foreskin and see the fuckers run,

What a fucking filthy thing to stick up Bondi’s bum bum bum

(bum, ba-da bum, ba-da bum bum – Williams Tell overture)

Song 32:

I wish I was a pommie

I do, I do

I wish I was a pommie

I do, I do

I’d walk into Trafalgar Square,

Say you Lord Nelson way up there

Fuck you, fuck you!

Song 33:

Up with the mini skirt, down with the pantyhose

And in with my donkey, my little red donkey

Works when I want it to ah ha, ah ha

Squirts when I want it to ah ha, ah ha

My little red donkey, my little red donkey

Hey jiggy jiggy, fuck the little piggy

Song 34:

Once a jolly bombardier caught a case of gonorrhoea

Under the shade of the syphilis tree,

And he sat and he watched, all the pimples on his penis burst

Who’ll come and ram it up Matilda with me

Ram it up Matilda, God I nearly killed her,

Who’ll come and ram it up Matilda with me

As he whipped it in and whipped it out,

And wiped it on his handkerchief

Who’ll come and ram it up Matilda with me

Song 35:

Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,

Had a wife and used to beat her,

Smacked her twice around the head,

Fucked her arse and went to bed drinking one, two, three, four

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser

Songs 9 - I wish that all the ladies

It has been a while since the last songs post. So i decided to drop this one quickly. Basically one person will sing and everyone just repeats what he says. Guys can take turn to be the 'main' singer. But in the end it comes down to who knows more verses. So here are the ones i have heard, no i have not even committed half of these to memory. lol

I wish that all the ladies, 
Were waves in the ocean, 
and i was a surfer, 
I'd ride 'em with my motion! 

A room-bop-a-do-bop

A rimidy rimidy do-bop

I wish that all the ladies,
Were bells in the tower,
and i was a bell boy,
I'd bang 'em every hour!

I wish that all the ladies,
We're buns on the shelf,
and I was a baker,
I'd cream em all my self!

I wish that all the laides,
We're holes in the road,
and I was a dump truck,
I'd fill em with my load!

I wish that all the ladies,
were bricks in a pile,
and i was a brickie,
I'd lay em with my style!

i wish that all the ladies,
were statues of Venus,
and i was a sculptor,
id shape em with my penis

i wish that all the ladies,
were sheep in the grass
and i was a kiwi
i'd fuck 'em in the arse

I wish all the ladies, 
were cabbage in patch,
and I was a farmer,
I'd pick'em by the snatch..

I wish that all the ladies,
Were grain in a bin,
And I was an auger, 
I'd stick it in and spin.

I wish that all the ladies,
Were birds in the sky,
And I was a hunter,
I'd shoot 'em in the eye.

I wish that all the ladies
Were like tables in bed
I'd make 'em suck my dick
and rest my beer on their head.

I wish that all the ladies
Were sail boats in a race
And I was the headwind
I'd blow it in their face

I wish that all the ladies
were bricks in the wall
and if i was a bricklayer
i would lay them one and all

I wish that all the ladies
were monkeys in a tree
and if i was a banana
they'd be sucking on me

I wish that all the ladies
were fish in a pool
and if I was a fisherman
I’d catch ‘em with my tool

I wish that all the ladies
were jockeys in a race
and I was a saddle
they’d sit upon on my face

I wish that all the Ladies
Were wheels on a car 
and i was the axle
i'd spin 'em on me bar

I wish that all the ladies
were buns in an oven
and I was a baker
I'd give 'em all my lovin'

I wish that all the ladies
were fish under a pier
and I was a native
I'd stab 'em with me spear

I wish that all the ladies
were sheep in the grass
and if i was an aussie
id fuck them up the arse

I wish that all the ladies
were wind out at sea
and I was a sail boat
then they’d all blow me!

I wish that all the ladies
Were laying in my bed
But if there was a fat one
I'd masturbate instead

I wish that all the ladies
were pies on a shelf
and I was a baker
I'd eat'em all myself

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser

Winter League Game Week #14 - vs Somerset West (Mens 3s)

Good morning guys

Date: 11 August 2012

Time: 15h00

Venue: Paarl Vallei

Opponents: Somerset West

So we were scheduled to play at Paarl Vallei this weekend so after the predicted storms of the weekend I decided to give Ryan a call on Sat morning after seeing the forecast for the weekend….999% chance, as Piles so eloquently put it WTF!!! Ryan informed me that the roof of their club house had blown off but the pitch was draining quite well.

So the thorough bred 3s made the great trek to the other side of the world to play. Every side in the league now gunning for our unbeaten record. The weather was not too bad, no rain at the start of the game, but it was still freezing. Winning the toss and deciding to play with the wind the first half we attacked our opponents from the first whistle.

We started off well converting our first shorty of the match. Shooter finding the side of the net to start the ball rolling. Mutual 1 – 0 Somerset West.

They the storm came, Mutual in wife-beaters = not happy. Hail started to pour down and during one of our ‘I think the apocalypse just started’ moments, Somerset West smashed a ball thru to their striker (who hadn’t moved since their previous attack 5 minutes ago) who got the deflection to level the scores. Mutual 1 – 1 Somerset West.

Deano passing a through ball, and letting the ball run pass his, Rusty took one-time shot (I am such a huuuuge fan of these -.-) hit the keepers glove as he went down, and rolling in. Rusty also had a one-time shot a few minutes before which was competing with the Raff’s drag flick from the previous week. Mutual 2 – 1 Somerset West.

During the half time talk we were all huddles in the dugout, naked trying to stay alive with body heat. We were going to draw straws to see who would be the first one to sacrifice their life to feed the others. Realising that either of the youngsters would do as the referee signalled the start of the second half.

The second half went much like the first half, except no hail this time around. We were again camping in the opponents half with them having a few break away chances which were smothered by our awesomeness that we refer to as the defence. After numerous shots at goal, Pete getting the ball on the rebound and finishing high into the top corner. Quite a childish finish really, he could have just pushed it in but noooooooo lets throw one into the roof. Mutual 3 – 1 Somerset West.

With Mutual in full-out attack mode, our top scorer extended his tally to 24 for the season after receiving a through ball from Rusty, coasting into the D unchallenged and smashing a backstick bottom corner. Mutual 4 – 1 Somerset West.

Even thou we push again for that bonus point that have been alluding us since the Conberg game we managed to get one more before the end of the game. Pete intercepted the ball just outside the 22m running with ball at 45, beat player and then slotted it under his shoulder. Defender got a slight touch and keeper went wrong way and ball sailed into the near post. Mutual 5 – 1 Somerset West.

Final Score Mutual 5 – 1 Somerset West.

Next fixture:

Saturday 18^th August @ Mutual

Time: @16h30

Opponents:  Pinelands

Again just one goal shy of a bonus point. But its seems the hunger has returned. Special mention to the link, you guys ran your hearts out in the freezing cold. Millies getting the bonus point this weekend so our lead is down to 14…..that’s still huge! We can still win the league with 3 games to go. Pinelands, Fishhoek, UCT and Conberg  are the last of our victims before we take on M3!

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser

Winter League Game Week #13 - vs WPCC (Mens 3s)

Good morning guys

Date: 04 August 2012

Time: 19h30

Venue: Mutual

Opponents: WPCC

After having the astro double booked on sat @13h30 we had to move our game to 19h30. This mean our poor strike pairing of Blake and Brown had to push back their brandy’s by a couple of hours. This was evident when they rocked up at the game and were pretty bleak during the warm up.

After winning the toss, Tosser decided to play away from the sun in the first half. We dominated for the entire half. WPCC had one or two break away goals – but nothing too special. Mostly the only reason the crowd gave an “oooooh” when they got into our circle was because they saw Vis running towards the ball to kick it. During one of WPCC’s counter attacks Vis kicked so wide that he didn’t even kick air – That’s how far he missed by. Luckily their striker had no idea where he was and narrowly missed.

We continued to dominate winning a couple of short corners. The first 2 being driven far post where hopefully Spud or Pete would get that telling touch. But to no avail. Taking things into his own hands Tosser decided to go for a straight flick. The Hockey gods must hate him and I think the 3s as a whole are now boycotting his dragflicks. Blake deciding to put his body on the line to stop the flick from going in.

The next shorty we were awarded, Tosser didn’t feel like wasting valuable energy running to the other side of the field to get boycotted again. So he decided to give newly relegated player Dorathy a chance to prove himself. What happened next was amazing, straight drag from the top D and I am not sure if ‘The Raff’ was looking at the practice goals on the side of the field but that’s pretty much where the ball ended up.

I felt so bad afterward that last flick that for some stupid reason I decided to let The Raff try again. I could hear Winders and Glenzo chanting ‘Give him anatha chance’! Raff decided to go dead straight at the keeper. Off the keepers glove and into the net. Mutual 1 – 0 WPCC.

That was pretty much the highlights of the first half. Not too much to rave about. The guys getting a little selfish in the last quarter of the field, knowing we crunched WPCC last time around. But after a stern half time talk the boys were ready to give it another go.

Starting the match and getting a shot off around 2 seconds in with Blake smashing an overhead on the half volley narrowly missing the goals we realised that we would really have to work hard for the next goal. Our defence barely being breached during the game with the odd counter attack that was well dealt with by the boys in green and blue.

Team Rusty (after a brief performance in the Durbanville game) was at it again. Sailing thru a few tackles and getting off a pass to top-D where our prolific goal scorer was chilling on his deck chair. Rising to his feet and duffing a shot (his words) which clipped the keepers pads and into the corner of the goals. Mutual 2 – 0 WPCC.

The boys were hungry now. With not much time left in the game we decided to go for it, taking out a defender and throwing in a forth forward. Some really attacking hockey was about to be played. With a couple of minutes left to play it was time to go balls to the wall. Spud ‘Saaaaart’ Groenewald finding himself in some space around the top of the circle and smashing our third goal home. Even thou the keeper got a touch to it, it wasn’t enough to keep out that shot. Mutual 3 – 0 WPCC.

And then finally what proved to be basically the last three shots of the day. Basil in miles of space behind the WPCC defence, taking two shots straight at the keeper before finally stepping back and roofing a shot off the reverse stick to put us one goal shy of the bonus point. Mutual 4 – WPCC.

Sadly that is how the game ended with no bonus point in 3 games. But all wins none the less. As always the boys really setting their standards high and were all disappointed after the game not to get that extra point. Well everyone besides Vis…….he got a clean sheet. He didn’t care what happened next.

Final Score Mutual 4 – 0 WPCC.

Next fixture:

Saturday 4^th August @ Mutual

Time: @19h30

Opponents:  WPCC

The 3s cementing their place as team of the year. Not only are we unbeaten for the season, but we have also removed the thorn in the side of Mutual #Raff. Sending him packing to another club, at this point I would also like to send my deepest condolences to Bellville hockey club. (Tubbs, Treadmill, Reagz, Blatt, DK – I am really sorry about this)

Raff backing up his umpiring performance in the 1s GC match with an equally average performance on the field and his final game for the green and blue. It really was fun always having someone to take the piss out of.

On a side note, player puts in a bit of a rash challenge. Play continues with the offenders (Guy who made the naughty tackles) team in possession of the ball. After they clear the ball up the field up the field, play is stopped and the player is given a yellow card. Play is then restarted from the far crner of the field where the ball went out.

So your trivia question of the day – Why was the offence not blown up straight away and taken from the spot where the offence occurred and the player carded then?

Answer – Fuck knows…..#RaffSpecial

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser

Winter League Game Week #12 - vs Durbanville (Mens 3s)

Good morning guys

Date: 28 July 2012

Time: 18h00

Venue: Fairmont

Opponents: Durbanville

Once again the 3s having amazing luck with their fixture. This time during the Stormers vs Sharks semi. But we put our PVRs on and headed down to Fairmont.

Things kinda ended where they left off last time we played Durbanville. We set up camp in their 25 with wave after wave been thrown at them. Trying to keep the guys heads calm and assuring them that a goal would eventually come. Durbanville’s keeper keeping them in the game.

Break thru finally came after a shorty variation was pushed across to Caveman and with a solid slap send the ball to Blake who was running in at the far post. Mutual 1 – 0 Durbanville.

Durbanville weren’t looking dangerous, but they relied on their counter attacks. There was a 3v1 after we got caught pushing up to attack. Their striker belting the ball at our 14 year old, who pulled off an amazing stick save to his top right. I didn’t even know he could reach that high. But the second counter attack we weren’t so lucky. The youngster pulling off a top save again but the Durbanville strikers swarming him and getting the rebound. No defence in sight……much like the 1s game. Mutual 1 – 1 Durbanville.

We went into the break with the scores level.

The guys realising that this might be a harder game than we expected. Second half left off where we ended the first half, all over them like a rash. Their keeper pulling off some amazing saves to keep them in the game.

So when holding our positions and spreading the ball well didn’t seem to be working for most of the half, up steps Team-Rusty. With a mixture of skill and dumb luck he scribbled his way thru 90% of the Durbanville team and a couple of his Mutual team mates saw the glue eventually loosen and him get a perfect pass off to Blake. Who as always was camping on p-spot to deliver the final blow slotting the ball into the goals. Mutual 2 – 1 Durbanville.

The game was drawing to a close and we suddenly realised that we had to push for that bonus point. A moment I wish had never happened, Basil scoring with a reverse stick shot from the baseline and the keeper not even smelling it. Probably because he was thinking, no one would ever shoot from the angle…..basil would! Another huge fan of the #GooseRatio its always good to get a goal on debut. Mutual 3 – 1 Durbanville.

Firmly in control we went out seeking more goals. Pushing everyone forward. Realising that we needed another 3 goals in 10 minutes to secure the bonus point. Spud finding himself in space tried to pull a Basil and went onto his reverse for a shot. This shot ended up being a perfectly timed cross and migimon (Basil) found himself on the receiving end of the ball for an easy deflection into the goals. Two goals on debut is pretty good. But not good enough if you want to stay a part of the “thorough bred 3s”. we considered dropping him to the 2s for the next fixture. Mutual 4 – 1 Durbanville.

With the game pretty much over but Mutual still pushing hard for those 2 extra goals, with 5 minutes to go Durbanville caught us on the counter. Youngster again pulling off 2 fine saves gbut with our entire defence in Durbanvilles 25 there was no help or clearing off his pads. Durbanville getting a consolation goal and making the score card look a little more favourable to them. Mutual 4 – 2 Durbanville.

We ran down the clock to finish off the game realising that even for us 3 goals in 4 minutes seemed like a bit of a stretch. Good to see Blakes name back on the score card with 2, Basil with 2 on debut and the youngster in goals proving himself as one to watch for the future.

Final Score Mutual 4 – 2 Durbanville.

Next fixture:

Saturday 4^th August @ Mutual

Time: @19h30

Opponents:  WPCC

Looking at the logs with 15 points separating us and 2^nd place if we continue with this type of form it could see us winning the league with 3 games to go unless Millies or Fishhoek drop points. #TeamOfTheYear!

Also ranked 3^rd in the province….

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser

Official Toasts

Another great thing we learn on County Districts tour was how to toast in 12 different languages and given a different language every day.  This is just one of those….”If you are curious” posts. But its fun to say things like this when you are smashed.

English – Cheers

Japanese – Kampai

German – Prost

Maori – Kia Ora

Spanish – Salud

Hungarian – Egesegedre (Egg-esh-sheg-edra)

Afrikaans – Gesondheid

Azerbaijani – Nush ohlsun

Italian – Cin cin (Chin chin)

Estonian – Ter-vih-sex

Hebrew – L’chaim

Russian – Na zdorovie

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser

Songs 8

And we have hit 30 songs.

Not too bad. Still have a few more. But these should do for now.

At the end of it all I will post a page with all of them in one post for reference.

Song 26:

I knew a lousy hooker, her name was Jessy Brown,

She was a lousy hooker, cos she would not go DOWN DOWN DOWN!!!

Song 27:

You spin me right round, baby right round.

Like a record baby when you go DOWN DOWN.

Song 28:

The good old duke of York, he had ten thousand men.

He marched them up to the top of the hill and he marched them DOWN DOWN DOWN!!!

Song 29:

Here’s to Basil, he’s the meanest.

He sucks the horse’s penis

He is a horse’s arse,

Hit him on the head,

Hit him on the head,

Hit him on the head with a hockey stick,

Singing one, two, three, four….

Song 30:

Why was he born so beautiful,

Why was he born at all,

He’s no fucking use to anyone,

He’s no fucking use at all,

He should be publically shat on,

He should be publically shot (bang bang)

He should be tied to a urina,

And let to fucking rot (rot, rot, rot)

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser