Player Profile #4 - Oog

Full Name: Matthew Storti                                            Nickname: Oog

Date of birth:  12-08-1989                                           Star sign: uhm, Leo, I think

Playing position: link, bench                                          Year joined the club: 2004, took a year sabbatical in 2008, returned in 2009

Often referred to as youngster or Oooooi! , this guy grew up at the club from the tender age of 16. He was spotted at Edgemead High School where I was coaching at the time, yes they let me coach school boys (this was before the incident). I quickly recruited what I thought then was ‘young talent’ but I was very quickly proven wrong. I noticed this after the first tackle box I put him into. With one swooping smash oh his ‘club’ he sent the poor attacker limping off. This was the last time I ever saw Oscar Pristorius on the hockey field. I was now stuck with this guy four practices a week for school and club.

After matriculating from EHS he took a year off to go to the UK and find himself or whatever that means. Personally I would have rather looked in the mirror than fly a couple thousand KM’s. Returning from the UK he was quickly welcomed back onto the 2’s bench. What he lacked in skill he made up with a thorough knowledge and application of the buffalo rules, this was drilled into him as a youngster at the club, he was also taught the rules after practice. Then out of nowhere he decided he had conquered all he could in the hockey world, which was not much, and convinced a fellow team mate to start a volleyball side. What he didn’t explain to this new comer to the club, later known as Brundle, was what a volleyball team actually does.

Brundle would be the setter, which basically meant he would go out and find a chick he fancied and throw all his pick-up lines in the book at her. As soon as he had her slightly hooked (or distracted) Storti would burst onto the scene when she was nicely ‘set up’, spike and score. Their team almost went semi-pro…(hehehe I said semi) beating off teams with amazing defence from mug&Bean, Slug  ‘n lettuce and Escargot (in a 3 set thriller) Losing in the finals to a team from Hot Swedish twins, nothing was able to break that defence.

But enough about that, back to the little hockey he played. He holds two land speed record for the slowest drag ever recorded (one for the ball leaving the ground and one for the ball not leaving the ground at all). As well as the longest time spent side lined for an injury (over a year) this enormous feat was almost matched by Sparky. But it looks like his wankers elbow had fully recovered (this was also his spiking arm and could have been brought on by his amazing volleyball career) and he will be back on the turf…..I mean grass very shortly.

Favourite sexual position: standing tiger, crouching dragon

Siblings: Luke Storti

                Would you say your sibling is sexy? He definitely has his days. Definitely when he GHDs his hair out of his face and you can see his eyes. He reminds me of a young Edward Cullen.

Bra size: I am holding a 34DD and typing with my other hand.

Relationship status: in a relationship

Favourite ‘down down’ song: Here's to Oog, he's so blue he's a drunken through and through, he's a basterd so they say, tried to go to heaven but went the other way,
singing 1,2,3,4,5...... Naah

Catch phrase: I have no money; Dry your eyes faggot

Favourite colour: Green

Most embarrassing moment: Freaking out in the hospital in bloem thinking I'd broken my right eye socket, when infact I had been hit in the left eye. Tosser forcing me show everyone my TIA tattoo, and pulling down the wrong side of my shorts (soon I will be doing a blog on club tattoo’s). Going to Edgemead High

Weirdest/worst habit: Loosing my wallet and keys when I'm stone sober. The boozed text is also another favourite

Beverage of choice: Castle light, Windhoek actually depends on what you are buying…