Player Profile #6 - Vis

Full Name: Jacques Ryan van der Walt                              Nickname: Vis, Fish, Chef, Fish Cakes

Date of birth:  04-11-1982                                                Star sign: Scorpio

Playing position: Striker/Link/part time Keeper                  Year joined the club: 2002

(None of which he plays well)

There has been a rivalry dating back to the dawn of time with this one, from football(club) to hockey(club&school) to measuring in the showers(extracurricular activities) , obviously with me winning each time. A matriculant from Oudies International, yeah I didn’t know Oude Moulen went up to matric either, he studied further at Cape Tech. Finally receiving his Btech – Electrical Engineering, this means he has been on more SASSU tournaments that anyone else in the tournaments history. South Africa’s equivalent of Van Wilder except with a degree.

He is the reason that I have graced Mutual with my presence. He tried to recruit me a year before and when I said no, he persuaded me to move to Mutual with his stick across my shins, hand on my back type of tackle from behind. Basically a normal Vis tackle. He is second in line behind Demon for most cards at Mutual thanks to his great tackling ability.

Also known as Tactfulness with his great ability to explain himself fully with comforting words, leaving the opposite party happy and with high hopes of the future.We are still wondering how he bagged Spur. I have been asking him for the number of his ‘chemist’ for the last year, but it seems he wants to keep this info to himself. Well until the wedding, we all saw who his best man was.

But as tactful as he is, he is probably the most reliable person at the club and if you want something done, he is the guy to call. Hopefully you will want it done his way, because things are done the Vis-way and then things are done the wrong-way according to him. He does a little bit of acting in his spare time as well, he just recently finished filming Brokeback Mountain 2 with his co-star Solly. Apparently there is an amazing scene at the stadium…..spoiler alert!!

Favourite sexual position: Tri-Sexual, will try anything sexual – This is true, iv seen it

Siblings: Floppy

Bra size: N/A

Relationship status: Married

Favourite ‘down down’ song: We are the World, we are the children…We get f#ck drunk every night drink drink drink drink

Catch phrase: Visure - Can you do it? Visure I can

Favourite colour: Blue

Most embarrassing moment: TBC – I think its probably his great record with night clubs(Tiger&The Roof) and that time at the Roof when he tried to head butt the bouncers fist.

Weirdest/worst habit: Continuous Goal Scoring

Beverage of choice: Castle