Well the first game of the season has come and gone.
1. Well you guys obviously didn't listen to point one last week. So no one has any idea who scored how many. And we go and slot an extra goal this week to make my job even harder.
2. I know you backs get bored and start pushing up, but one at a time.lol
3. 25 goals for............0 against. There isn't much else I can say that we did wrong. lol
26 October 2011
Venue: Wynberg Military Base
Opponents: Conberg
We started off the game in winning fashion with the toss....ok fine it was by default since Conberg lost that as well. But il put his bad decision down to my awesome presence.
We took the field giving Conberg the ball to centre off thinking they might as well practice doing this as its going to happen a lot.
After a bit of back and forth between Conberg trying to find out their weaknesses, we realised Burger and Bondi no longer play there so they must have recruited some other Wynberg wankers who suck just as much or even more. We soon came to the conclusion that their main weakness was hockey, as we have always know with Conberg. So we got onto the score board with Vis receiving he ball from the backs, I really think he should work on his leads thou the backs struggled to find him (Even KFM a highy rated....4th team player agrees with me), running around one defender and pushing the ball far post. Mutual 1-0 Conberg.
Shortly after Vis thought it was about time to get on the score sheet again, receiving a ball from our Mexican international on putting the ball at pace under the logging keeper....ok those were his words. The rest of us think he just missed stopped it and it bobbled under the keeper.Mutual 2-0
Vis' 3rd goal was an absolute master piece....not the finishing, but the build up. Suffix smashing a 16" off the boards, which was expertly deflected by Tosser with such finesse into the path of a rampant Vis seeking his hatrick. Vis picks up the ball, darts into the circle and finishes bottom right. After we had turned and started celebrating I saw the keeper begin to log.lol. Mutual 3-0
And then the moment you have all been waiting for....Tosser receives a bobbling pass from Vis which was at pace and 3 meters infront of him (just like Brundles push outs) but manages to get it under control and darts....ok fine, jogs round a defender and along the base line. Again Vis' leads were horrendous and instead of wasting a platter on him decides to have a cheecky reverse stick shot on goal. The first shot straight into the keeper, this was no mistake as I would like to keep my record for most shots on target as well as you need to build the keepers confidence back up so it can be taken away. The second shot hitting the net with such force. Mutual 4-0
The next goal was almost a WTF were you thinking moment. Lemon admittingly almost missing the first platter served of by Chef Vis. Vis rounding the keeper and then passing the ball from near post to Lemon who had basically started celebrating already. Mutual 5-0. And so ended a dominating first half from Mutual. Again with an inspiring half time talk from Tosser and a tactful kak out session from Vis, we still not sure what Pablo was saying because none of us speak that Portuguese/Spanish mixture he speaks.
Start of the second half let us practice our centre off. Which has only happened twice in 2 games. I'm not sure how you guys saw this next move, but it seemed like Vis was taking a shot from the half way line and out of nowhere Lemon pops up P-spot with a fantastic deflection into the roof of the net. Mutual 6-0. Sortly after the goal Vis again tried to serve up one of his platters to Tosser, slipping the ball from top D to the left. And in a moment of sadness Tosser lost his 'consistently on target' record. He then went to sulk on the bench and look for that belter.
Finally Brundles super strength wore off and he was able to get a short corner pull out on target. Lemon smashing the ball high to the right of the goals, im sure I saw those Conberg guys (including the keeper) diving out the way. Mutual 7-0. Next it was signor Mexicanos turn to get on the score sheet also with a drag flick smashing the net. I was informed after this goal that our match fees might go up to cover the wear and tear we have been putting on the goals in the last 2 games. Cause yes, that was 20 goals so far this season. Mutual 8-0
Next came a storming run from Brundle. Taking on 2 players and hitting the circle.....then the keeper...then the floor...hard. Lol. And as all Mexicans do, Pablo pounced on the opportunity to grab his second goal. Closing his eyes and letting the ball fly into the net. Mutual 9-0. Next up was a short corner. With "Robbie" The Hulk Le Brun off the field resting his guns because of injecting the ball too fast, the mammoth task of pushing the ball straight to Vis fell on the shoulders of your fearless leader....Me. With Tosser sending the ball gliding along the turf toward Vis, Suffix stepping up for a drag. Then im not sure if he doubted himself but gave a 'NOOOOO you have it' kinda of a slip to Lemon who slotted it. Mutual 10-0.
For the first time in 70 minutes Mutual concede a sort corner and dew to some players just not being fit enough (Vis) the only person stupid enough to take a ball to the body while running first wave was off the field. But never the less we defended the shorty. Hernandez must have thought someone said border patrol cause he was too fast out of the gates. Ended up with Tosser having to take his place in the short corner. A great game plan which I have noted down for the next game. (I have to work on a way to "break early" which will prove difficult because it involves running) Anyway, point of the story was that Fridge made his first save of the match and then Bryce Lawrence awarded Conberg another short. Which they missed again.
Chef Vis was at it again blasting down the right and tucking the ball to Lemon who finished in the top right. By this point I could see tear rolling down the keepers mask. Mutual 11-0. After this I have no idea what happened, Boogs finds himself with the ball during a 16" and instead of a quick break he decides to run it, and run and run all the way to Pablo who was in the opposition D. They then both looked at each other not wanting to touch the ball eventually Boogs manning the F*ck up and grabbing the ball and going on another run along the edge of the circle smashing a ball far post. Second lesson we can teach you Boogs is to know your fellow team mates. If that was going to me, rather give it to me and dont put it 10 meters in front of me, would take me 5 minutes to get there, on a good night.
The next goal will go down as a nominee for team goal of the season. Except on the score sheet it will say Tosser scored it. Brundle getting the ball deep in our half carrying it up to half way and playing a one two with Chef Vis, then storming down the side along the base line seeing Tossers amazing run into space (Vis take note) Brundle squeezing the ball between two defender and Tosser slipping it under the crying....i mean diving keeper. Mutual 12-0.
Then trying to steal the show, the Mexican gave us is one burst of speed a game, collecting a thru ball from Vis and killing it into the net with 'immense speed' (his words) Mutual 13-0
Well I hope we have all learnt a life lesson from this game. When playing against Constantiaberg you should always wear a connie. Cause we f*cked them...hard. I'm sure everyone in the side felt like a cigarette after that game. Conberg players were found in the changing rooms this morning in the foetal position crying.
Final Score Mutual 13 - 0 Conberg (Connie-Berg)
One goal to the better than the previous match. Except we conceded two short corner.... I suppose we needed Fridge to make at least one save during a match.
Next Game:
Tuesday 1st @ 21h00 vs WPCC A
Please confirm availability,
Yours in awesomeness
Tosser
1. Well you guys obviously didn't listen to point one last week. So no one has any idea who scored how many. And we go and slot an extra goal this week to make my job even harder.
2. I know you backs get bored and start pushing up, but one at a time.lol
3. 25 goals for............0 against. There isn't much else I can say that we did wrong. lol
26 October 2011
Venue: Wynberg Military Base
Opponents: Conberg
We started off the game in winning fashion with the toss....ok fine it was by default since Conberg lost that as well. But il put his bad decision down to my awesome presence.
We took the field giving Conberg the ball to centre off thinking they might as well practice doing this as its going to happen a lot.
After a bit of back and forth between Conberg trying to find out their weaknesses, we realised Burger and Bondi no longer play there so they must have recruited some other Wynberg wankers who suck just as much or even more. We soon came to the conclusion that their main weakness was hockey, as we have always know with Conberg. So we got onto the score board with Vis receiving he ball from the backs, I really think he should work on his leads thou the backs struggled to find him (Even KFM a highy rated....4th team player agrees with me), running around one defender and pushing the ball far post. Mutual 1-0 Conberg.
Shortly after Vis thought it was about time to get on the score sheet again, receiving a ball from our Mexican international on putting the ball at pace under the logging keeper....ok those were his words. The rest of us think he just missed stopped it and it bobbled under the keeper.Mutual 2-0
Vis' 3rd goal was an absolute master piece....not the finishing, but the build up. Suffix smashing a 16" off the boards, which was expertly deflected by Tosser with such finesse into the path of a rampant Vis seeking his hatrick. Vis picks up the ball, darts into the circle and finishes bottom right. After we had turned and started celebrating I saw the keeper begin to log.lol. Mutual 3-0
And then the moment you have all been waiting for....Tosser receives a bobbling pass from Vis which was at pace and 3 meters infront of him (just like Brundles push outs) but manages to get it under control and darts....ok fine, jogs round a defender and along the base line. Again Vis' leads were horrendous and instead of wasting a platter on him decides to have a cheecky reverse stick shot on goal. The first shot straight into the keeper, this was no mistake as I would like to keep my record for most shots on target as well as you need to build the keepers confidence back up so it can be taken away. The second shot hitting the net with such force. Mutual 4-0
The next goal was almost a WTF were you thinking moment. Lemon admittingly almost missing the first platter served of by Chef Vis. Vis rounding the keeper and then passing the ball from near post to Lemon who had basically started celebrating already. Mutual 5-0. And so ended a dominating first half from Mutual. Again with an inspiring half time talk from Tosser and a tactful kak out session from Vis, we still not sure what Pablo was saying because none of us speak that Portuguese/Spanish mixture he speaks.
Start of the second half let us practice our centre off. Which has only happened twice in 2 games. I'm not sure how you guys saw this next move, but it seemed like Vis was taking a shot from the half way line and out of nowhere Lemon pops up P-spot with a fantastic deflection into the roof of the net. Mutual 6-0. Sortly after the goal Vis again tried to serve up one of his platters to Tosser, slipping the ball from top D to the left. And in a moment of sadness Tosser lost his 'consistently on target' record. He then went to sulk on the bench and look for that belter.
Finally Brundles super strength wore off and he was able to get a short corner pull out on target. Lemon smashing the ball high to the right of the goals, im sure I saw those Conberg guys (including the keeper) diving out the way. Mutual 7-0. Next it was signor Mexicanos turn to get on the score sheet also with a drag flick smashing the net. I was informed after this goal that our match fees might go up to cover the wear and tear we have been putting on the goals in the last 2 games. Cause yes, that was 20 goals so far this season. Mutual 8-0
Next came a storming run from Brundle. Taking on 2 players and hitting the circle.....then the keeper...then the floor...hard. Lol. And as all Mexicans do, Pablo pounced on the opportunity to grab his second goal. Closing his eyes and letting the ball fly into the net. Mutual 9-0. Next up was a short corner. With "Robbie" The Hulk Le Brun off the field resting his guns because of injecting the ball too fast, the mammoth task of pushing the ball straight to Vis fell on the shoulders of your fearless leader....Me. With Tosser sending the ball gliding along the turf toward Vis, Suffix stepping up for a drag. Then im not sure if he doubted himself but gave a 'NOOOOO you have it' kinda of a slip to Lemon who slotted it. Mutual 10-0.
For the first time in 70 minutes Mutual concede a sort corner and dew to some players just not being fit enough (Vis) the only person stupid enough to take a ball to the body while running first wave was off the field. But never the less we defended the shorty. Hernandez must have thought someone said border patrol cause he was too fast out of the gates. Ended up with Tosser having to take his place in the short corner. A great game plan which I have noted down for the next game. (I have to work on a way to "break early" which will prove difficult because it involves running) Anyway, point of the story was that Fridge made his first save of the match and then Bryce Lawrence awarded Conberg another short. Which they missed again.
Chef Vis was at it again blasting down the right and tucking the ball to Lemon who finished in the top right. By this point I could see tear rolling down the keepers mask. Mutual 11-0. After this I have no idea what happened, Boogs finds himself with the ball during a 16" and instead of a quick break he decides to run it, and run and run all the way to Pablo who was in the opposition D. They then both looked at each other not wanting to touch the ball eventually Boogs manning the F*ck up and grabbing the ball and going on another run along the edge of the circle smashing a ball far post. Second lesson we can teach you Boogs is to know your fellow team mates. If that was going to me, rather give it to me and dont put it 10 meters in front of me, would take me 5 minutes to get there, on a good night.
The next goal will go down as a nominee for team goal of the season. Except on the score sheet it will say Tosser scored it. Brundle getting the ball deep in our half carrying it up to half way and playing a one two with Chef Vis, then storming down the side along the base line seeing Tossers amazing run into space (Vis take note) Brundle squeezing the ball between two defender and Tosser slipping it under the crying....i mean diving keeper. Mutual 12-0.
Then trying to steal the show, the Mexican gave us is one burst of speed a game, collecting a thru ball from Vis and killing it into the net with 'immense speed' (his words) Mutual 13-0
Well I hope we have all learnt a life lesson from this game. When playing against Constantiaberg you should always wear a connie. Cause we f*cked them...hard. I'm sure everyone in the side felt like a cigarette after that game. Conberg players were found in the changing rooms this morning in the foetal position crying.
Final Score Mutual 13 - 0 Conberg (Connie-Berg)
One goal to the better than the previous match. Except we conceded two short corner.... I suppose we needed Fridge to make at least one save during a match.
Next Game:
Tuesday 1st @ 21h00 vs WPCC A
Please confirm availability,
Yours in awesomeness
Tosser
No comments:
Post a Comment