Good morning guys
Well I just received a summons. Apparently I was an accessory to a gang rape that occurred early evening around 19h20. I’m sure everyone will receive one soon….except Brundle and Boogs…..too soon? Things to think about in the off season before trials next year.
1. Clean sheet….yes please!
2. A few instances where we were caught in possession.
3. Enough with the platters. This is mainly for me thou, back yourself when you hit the circle. And FYI Chef, you can’t send back a platter…..just saying. If you get a platter you score that platter.
28 November 2011
Venue: Wynberg Military Base
Opponents: Van der Stel
The game started off in good spirits, the captains having a laugh and then talking about how awesome I am. As we should have during the match we dominated them. Im sure I heard their defence shout ‘Chicago’ a few times, which I was told at half time was their safe word. After missing an early platter from Lemon right in front of goals, Team Vis quickly redeemed himself by following up on a Lemon shot and pretty much smashing the ball thru the keeper. Mutual 1-0 vd Stel.
Sortly after taking the lead it was left up to a quick game of ching, chong, cha (noooo, not those Taiwanese triplets) to see who had the honor of taking the first shorty of the game. Unfortunately that Mexican somehow wasn’t on the bench and threw out his salsa filled fist at me when I pulled scissors. DAMN IT. Lets just say that his attempt on target was weak. Iv seen kids from Wynberg and SACS flick better than that. But none the less, it still went in, apparently he ‘sent the keeper the wrong way’, I think the keeper was beaten for lack of pace. Mutual 2-0.
The third goal consisted of Team Vis, or the artist formerly known as Chef, who scribbled one player, rounded the goal keeper and flicked past the poor defender standing on the line. While the rest of the team stood on the half way line and watched. Mutual 3-0.
Then there was the final of Top Chef, everyone trying to give the other the ‘platter of the season’ before the final game was over. Tosser running into the circle with enough space to perfectly set up Vis…twice. The first instance he tried to scribble the keeper 15 times and was eventually tackled. The second time, apparently the platter must have been cold so he sent it back which I was not expecting and was celebrating on the halfway line already. The next goal Vis would claim as a platter, but we all know he was actually taking a shot, which Lemon (keeping up his scoring form from the weekend, proving he can score on and off the pitch) put away nicely. Mutual 4-0.
Vis pulled of what can only be described as tackle of the season, standing strong on top D and throwing what little weight he has into the tackle….sending Suffix flying. Lemon getting greedy wanting to score again……just like the weekend, stepped up to take the next short corner, hulk at it again winging those balls out from the baseline (I really think he is being fed steroids cause Ginga’s aren’t supposed to be that strong). Smashing the ball high into the net. Mutual 5-0.
Then back to the Top Chef finale, Tosser setting up The Hulk with a open one on one with the keeper. We still have no idea what he was thinking, his shot can be compared to a woman bowling underarm to Chris Gayle – no chance of it getting past him. The ball was parried away with ease. Next up was a magnificent square pass from Tosser, which was missed by Hernandez (he claims he left it…..rubbish) straight into the path of Boogs. He then proceeded to shatter what little faith we have in him, so we are no longer going to pass him the ball in the circle. We then got another short corner and Hulk was up to his same shit. Putting everything into the push out, thankfully this one was controlled and there must have been a mix up because for some reason Hernandez found himself at slip, I thought it was Lemon otherwise I would not have given him the ball. He obviously wanted to prove that not all Mexicans miss the goals and after an utterly amazing fake drag/slip dummy thingy he say himself with 10 meters of space to take his time and basically walk the ball over the line. Mutual 6-0.
Literally one of the most childish things that has happened this season. Suffix decides to scrimimage 2 defenders, then the keeper, he actually waited for him to get up again, then scrimmaged him again. He ended up just flipping the ball past the keepers shoulder. Ending the half on a high, Mutual 7-0 vd Stel.
Starting off the half well, we allowed our opposition to enjoy some possession, building up their spirits so we could smash them again. How Brundle got the ball or why he was so high up on the field is still going to be discussed. But he rounded the defender like he was a beacon, and sprinting down baseline and in typical Hulk fashion smashes a ball across the face of goal. With eyes closed and biting his lip waiting for the ball to pop up and smash him in the face. Tosser’s delicate touch saw the ball go straight between the keepers legs. Nomination for nutty of the season…..i think so. Mutual 8-0.
Shortly after a few quick 1-2s in and around the circle saw Lemon slip on past the keeper extending the lead to Mutual 9-0.
Then came that moment in the match where no one was really sure if he meant it or not?! Hernandez proving he has a keener eye for goal than his namesake, actually just not moving and getting back to defend. Gets a belter of a ball from Lemon which he collects on P-spot deflecting it blindly round his body. The keeper having no idea what just happened. Mutual 10-0.
The Mexican then turned provider, trusting Vis to convert his platter. Which he did. Mutual 11-0.
After a very strange variation short corner, Lemon found himself with the ball on p-spot and had a really weak effort on goal almost saved off the line. Mutual 12-0.
I really thought Bastick didn’t make our side when I saw a ball rocket into the side netting from the base line, I think Suffix watched my awesome finish in the previous game and thought it looked easy. The Chef was then back to his normal antics trying to dribble around everyone on the field. Finally thinking he had done enough, lays a bobbling platter to Tosser to smash home. Mutual 13-0.
The Chef didn’t seem to want to stop there. Making another run sets up the Mexican for his 4th goal, Team Vis on fire at the moment. Mutual 14-0. Eventually having enough of serving platters, Team Vis finally decided to go all the way (like he hopefully did on his honeymoon….tell her) easily going round a player and popping the ball over the keeper into the corner of the goals. Mutual 15-0.
Not to be out done by his previous goal, Suffix steps up for what was to be our final short corner of the match. He first fakes, the pulls, fakes again, pulls again. Fakes twice infront of the keeper before flipping the ball head height into the goals. The keeper on his knees wanting to take his punishment like a man….in prision. Ending the game with our highest score yet of Mutual 16-0.
Im sure it was a looong drive home for the vd Stel player, a lot of tears and leaving SADF feeling quite violated. Top season boys, will see you all at trials in the new year. And a great thanks goes out to the goal scorers this half, you really made my job hard. (like when we in the showers).lol.
Final Score Mutual 16 – 0 Van der Stel (The Reach for a Dream Foundation)
Next Game:
Next year sometime. I will keep you posted re trials and the match schedule.
And with that comes the end of my completely amazing match reports. A season summary will follow when I have time.
Yours in awesomeness
Tosser
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