Indoor Game Week #5 vs. Conberg (1's)

Good morning guys

Good end to the round robin half of of the season

1.       Not one diagonal ball played out of the backs. Which means there wasn’t one ball intercepted. Well done backs.

2.       There was barely any dribbling, but barely any running as well.

3.       Custard is good for dessert, it’s not good for hockey. The seniors in the side showing the youngsters what not to go. Great lesson Tosser and Vis.

4.       No more Lasagne before a game. Our two work horses looking like Buddhas.

19 February 2012

Venue: Sunningdale

Opponents: Conberg

After a night of fun at Tosser’s bachelors the well hungover side took the field for the playoffs for relegation. Putting us up against a Conberg side which we thrashed the first time round. Vis wanting to stick with his strategy of letting them lose the toss showed his first signs of inconsistency when they won the call.

The first 5min saw us very complacent. Vis still trying to run off his belly full of lasagne. Conberg playing nothing but river ball the entire time. They adopted the #GooseRatio and after a few attempts a river ball going straight for Suffix was miss-stopped. The ball falling straight to the Conberg striker who rolled it past Pearton on his near post. That’s right I said near post. Our team was worried because we thought Conberg had found our Pearton’s weakness #nearpost. Mutual 0 – 1 Conberg.

We needed to work ourselves back into the game. As always our team loving to come from behind and finish first. Chef ‘LasagneBelly #LB’ Vis (Pile’s only contribution to the game was slowing Vis down with his lasagne) trudging down the right wobbling into the circle and shooting almost straight at the keeper. The whole defence seemed stunned and admired and the ball rolled to Tosser’s feet. Burying his first shot into the keepers guy slightly winding him, he then made no mistake with his follow up shot stepping right and finishing bottom right. Mutual 1 – 1 Conberg.

I think at around this time the Conberg players seemed to be feeling the effects of our game plan. The tighter they marked the Tri-fector, the more pissed they got. It really felt like we had super powers. Conberg then decided to switch thing up to zonal marking. This worked to our favour giving out strikers more time on the ball. There was a well worked ball out the back from Suffix. Smashing it at Bondi, unfortunately with Bondi’s lady-like hands he was unable to stop this ball properly. He managed to glide the ball into the path of LB who was unmarked on top D. Smashing it past the keeper who barely moved. Mutual 2 – 1 Conberg.

Tosser thinking that things were looking to easy and wanting the team to work for the win decided it was time to up the staked. After a rubbish tackle from Simon ‘Crouch-Fairypants-MoanLikeALittleGirl’ Martin, a very slight retaliation say him/her shriek like a 4 year old girl that saw a spider. Fortunately they were too crap to take advantage of the extra man on the field. Boogies and Bondi (not sue why he was so far back – probably feels comfortable closer to the bench when he plays) held up the ball well at the back. Moving it well to see off the half. The half team talk consisted mainly of people telling me how much fun I had the night before and helping each other fill in some blanks. Let’s just say that the ‘drunken’ confidence was definitely there.

We started the second half wanting to give Conberg a hiding. Controlling the game well from the back and making Conberg work to gain possession which they just kept giving away. A well worked one-two exchange between Bob and Bollie saw another ball fed thru to our prolific striker Vis who made no mistake burying a goal from baseline (Showing Bondi how it is actually done). Mutual 3 – 1 Conberg.

Bondi then proving to us that lightning in fact does not strike twice, taking a shot from 0% angle and hitting the keeper. (one of our most consistent players – we know when the ball goes to him there is barely a chance of a goal) Shortly after this Vis received another pass from the Mexican. Bollie running along the outside calling for the ball, the rest of us thought this was an amazing dummy run but it seemed like he actually expected us to pass it to him. Vis having his first attempt saved but flipping his second attempt over the already logged keeper. Mutual 4 – 1 Conberg.

As what can only be described as blind luck, Simon ‘Crouch-Fairypants-MoanLikeALittleGirl’ Martin, galloped into the D from the right and on the reverse flicked it past Pearton into the top right corner. He then celebrated by shouting Pearton’s name while jogging back to the half way line. (sounded like he was climaxing) Mutual 4 – 2 Conberg.

Vis wanting to have a boat race after the game for cards received put on a heavy tackle on Mike Ellis, Tosser proving his worth as an amazing manager with a tactful substitution to ensure no cards were given. But he could do nothing with what Vis was about to do next, with a look of rage on his face coming in with a head of steam from the side. Almost just as tactful as his half time talks Chef basically cut ‘Butch James’ in half almost as if he was trying to serve him up on a platter for the rest of us. There was no choice but to send Vis for a breather on the side. Vis sitting down with a smile on his face thinking that it was well worth it.

We held well for the next 2 minutes while Vis was on the bench resting. Winning a shorty when he came back on Tosser saw his time to shine and that’s exactly what he did. Smashing a ball top right, as it bounced out Suffix made sure by putting the ball in the back of the net again. The umpire pulled a #Dorathy and signalled a short corner again, his reasoning was that Conberg had moved the goals as they ran out. #NotCool, the resulting shorty was smashed at the keeper in frustration.

Conberg were still relying on gifts from Mutual so Bollie, not wanting to let his form/consistency of assists in every game go, thought he would liven things up and decided to pull an Import, leaving the ball only for it to fall to the striker who again beat Pearton on his near post. Mutual 4 – 3 Conberg.

The ball was then worked up the right, Piles going round the defender and his terrible attempt at a tackle. Hitting the D he layed off a gentle pass off to Bondi on p-spot. Instead of going horizontal with a mere pull and fling the ball along the ground at the keeper, he decided to do an upright power of braveheart and smash it at the keeper through the net. He missed it and it hit his foot. (Even Leon laughed as he blew for the foot) - Thank you Piles for that very in depth paragraph. 

Moments later Conberg almost pulled level but Pearton with a dive/flop made a stick save and that would be his only positive contribution in the match. We held on for a few more scrappy minutes, holding up the game until the final whistle. Mutual running out winners 4 – 3.

Conberg vs UCT B for relegation

Final Score Mutual 4 - 3 Conberg

Final Indoor Game:

Sunday 22^nd  Sunningdale

Time: 19h30

Opponents: UCT A

A scrappy yet deserved win vs our old rivals Conberg. I say old rivals because next year we will hopefully have to find new rivals as Conberg will be playing M2. Thanks again to all the supporters who came down to watch the game including Bondi. We love the cheering and support.

Yours in awesomeness

Tosser