Winter League Game Week #5 - vs Central (Ladies 2's)

Opponents: Central

Venue: Vygies

Time: 6pm

Date: 19 May 2012

Game 5 of the season brought about a trip to the land of passion gaps and threatening slurs in languages not recognizable to even the peeps from the north. Passports were begrudgingly signed as the girls started tiptoeing into the club. All geared up and missing our coach and captain who were late to our game due to his alleged game… oh wait, perhaps the game was falsely called hockey as opposed to ‘where did you hide my keys love’?

(Tosser - in their defence, they were waiting for your awesome umpire to shower. I am pretty sure Shooter took a couple of peeks as well)

So after being scolded for our premature warm up run by our vice (maybe not the first premature act), we went around the corner to avoid been called “girlie’ in the strangely clean change rooms by the locals and to get our game faces on. Unbeknownst to us it was break dancing and sound system competitions at the stadium next door and the constant ‘cooning’ started to creep its influence into our team slowly only to reveal itself later… da da da dum

After our 2^nd warm up, we were ready to take on the screeches with bravery. When I say bravery I mean “holy cr@p, please don’t kill me with your weapon posing as a hockey stick”. Tosser blew for the start of the game as the mighty greens faced off against the “Mean Machine team”. One of the links, carrying an oddly uncanny resemblance to Meehan, started through her muscles and grunts around with some firm balls to the defence. Monster began to chant mumblings of “Hear no evil, See no evil, and Fear no Evil” while making top tackles against the brutal attacks. Up and down the pitch fighting hard, the game was called for half time at 0-0.

Start of the second half continued with some drizzle to wipe away our bloody tears from the continued onslaught by Meehan and her woMEN! Then came a shortie… Meehan at right slip pressed the nitro button in her guns and slotted one in to put Mean Machine ahead 1-0. The bullet that was caned at keeper K would only have been stopped by the Berlin wall which I’m sure Meehan and the woMEN tore down themselves with their hands. Back into play came Bubbles “the bench warmer” Bolt in at left half. After a bit of tussling and abuse of the ref, play continued forward up the left in favour of the greens only to be turned over in a maul by the browns... oh wait what colour did they wear… hmmm… Free hit (literally) for Meehan who whipped out a cracker straight at bubbles boob height! In fear that she’d lose her boob to ball (again #tellher), she stopped the ball with her hand. The deafening crack caused Meehan to cock her head back and laugh while watching bubbles cussing over how hard IT hits. Bubbles done… 

Next victim… In an off the ball challenge Meehan kneed poor Dory in her back to see if she liked it from behind. This obviously was met with a poor response as the steam coming out her ears revealed her alter ego and Dory Balboa retaliated with a slap at Meehan with the hockey stick. Rumour has it the stick disappeared in the bakery of an unfit Meehan’s thighs and thus the effect was lost. Quick deliberation from both refs and Tosser claiming he didn’t see it having been off the ball (excessive wanking gives way to blindness I’m told), both players were sent off for 2mins. (Tosser - Actually, with you in the bathrooms not knowing what actually happened, I told the other umpire that i saw an ogre run onto the field and pull her stick up at Dory. his response was the send the Ogre off and put Dory in witness protection for 2 minutes...) 

With Meehan off, the greens tried in vain to attack and soon enough the gruelling bloody battle was done… Meehan’s side taking it 1-0 and the greens making a quick and safe exit. There will be revenge Meehan!

Final score: Mutual 0 - 1 Central

Signing out

Danielle Bolt