New Arrivals #2 - Ladies

Wow, Team- Bubbles. Light a little fire under her arse and she sends me 5 new recruits and two match reports in one day. Seems like we have a new comedian at Mutual.

I think we should feed her some Schnapps to calm her down and keep her knees warm for winter.

Full name: Tamarah Pike                                    Nickname: Einstein

Date of birth: 05/03/1998                                   Previous club: First club – Currently at Rustenburg  

Playing position: Half                                        Current team: Ladies 2s

A fourteen year old Sonic Recruit, aptly got her name with intellectually challenged questioning on the ladies 2s group. Diagnosed with chronic foot in mouth disease, Einstein has enabled the club to apply for a grant from SSN (stopstupidnow.org) to subsidise our coaches for the pains and labour of having to draw pictures and explain twice. Einstein’s skills on the hockey field rival and beat that of the more experienced halves pushing them to links and bench-warming (#tellTatty&Bubbles), thus making her a great asset to Ladies 2s and an entertainer of note with questions like “What’s a specialist”. It’s a good thing she’s receiving her education at Rustenberg and not at EHS, her chances to not take over from Bastick and 6 pack on Voortrekker when she’s older are a lot higher! Despite being ripped apart by team members, this tough cookie keeps coming back for more making tough tackles and being kind enough to pass the ball to whichever one of her crazy team mates call for it, even if that’s across the goals with the attackers hanging high. When asked why, her response was “Sharing is caring” and boom just like that she has been imprinted into mutual life for quoting a valuable motto that the club drives (#askBondi). Sonic, you may have lost points on this one, but at least she fits in and can play hockey well J Welcome

Full name: Stephanie Jade Thomas        Nickname: Panda (unofficial)

Date of birth: 31/05/1991                       Previous club: First one – Springfield Convent escapee

Playing position: Half                            Current team: Ladies 2s

Enter the other Indian sister. Thanks to apple who brought the first quota Indian player, this year we have recruited the cuter baby sister. What we didn’t know is that we’d be getting an SS marine. Quick explanation you ask? SS Marine’s in Mutual lingo means a Say-it Straight type from the other side of the Hoek… How she got panda? She randomly dressed as one by just painting parts of herself white as the other parts of her are unseen at night (enter creepy psycho music here). Spin offs to her nickname have been rumoured as Panga due to her ‘I-take-no-kak-and-now-I-have-a-hockey-stick-in-my-hands-biatch’ attitude, making even Goose scared to approach her (well that and she’s too old for Goose!) Not unfamiliar with the perving antiques of her older sister, this one has already accepted marriage from umpires (although I think her neurons misfired, because I heard “its your ball” instead of “will you marry me freak”). Thankfully, she doesn’t share the sentiments of her sister in acting on those perving motions… YET! (I hope she cuts her nails as well) Watch this space boys and girls, this bag of dynamite is here to dominate… (No seriously watch here closely, soon the word dynamite will explode, I’m embedded a code into it)…

(tick tick tick) … (What are you still doing watching, of course I’m lying, GET BACK TO WORK!)

Full name: Krystal Kruger                     Nickname: nothing as yet… Keeper K for now

Date of birth: 20/05/1988                       Current team: Ladies 2s

Playing position: Goalie                         

Previous club: Rhodes University

Welcome to the land of SA for our next recruit who managed to run, skip and jump the borders of our beloved country with her Swahilian tongue to get her out of trouble if need be. I once asked her to teach my Swahili and asked her to say I’m pretty, but she said she wasn’t able to lie in Swahili… (doef, the sound of my jaw hitting the floor with the burn of intelligence). Like her friend Yes, Keeper K is studying to be a paramedic to save the lives (and bones) of her team mates as needed in the land of Ja-Ma-Se-Vygies, which I’m pretty sure she didn’t understand, but alas, she was padded and keen to save (except for the rocket from Meehan)! Keeper K seems quiet at first like her counterpart Yes, but this Somerset West dwelling girl can get cracking on the jabbering when she wants to, problem is she doesn’t get to with the other jabbering idiots in her side. In times like those she starts chanting “Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana”, which simply put means… You bunch of squashed bananas, I can mock you and make you laugh because you have no idea what I’m saying”… to which us bunch of idiot squashed bananas laugh too! This gives rise to Rafiki as a possible nickname #justsaying! Welcome Rafiki J

Full name: Tara  Tobin                                      Nickname: Princess (unofficial)

Date of birth: 24/04/1994                                   Previous club: Conberg  

Playing position: Link, Wing                              Current team: Ladies 2s

New recruit number 1 million for the ladies 2s… wow how bad was their team last year (#tellthem). Princess joins us from the sock copying riches of Conberg and got her name when she showed up to Wine- up all pretty and made up. Little did Princess know that evil committee members would make her dunk her face in spit infested splash pool waters and jump and crawl around ruining her look. She did hold her glam well and so was appropriately adopted as Princess. Originally coming from TC, this firecracker storms her way through defence teams sometimes even without laying off the ball (#tellher,whoops I think I just did). A great striker, she’s also good at hiding from her other coaches on days where she decides to attend our practises and give the other coaches excuses showing thus that she’s keen to impress at mutual and impressive she is. This girl could take on the Husain’s of the ladies league which leads me to wonder where her elusive boyfriend is, or perhaps she slipped away from that one too… *thinking pose*. For those of you boys wanting to catch a quick glimpse of our very own Miss SA (left out the U in case Bollie took interest #tellhim), evidence of her presence can be detected by her side kick Scottie puppy, Paris.

Signing out

Danielle Bolt